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What is Self-Care and Why is it Important?

Joanne Fazel • Mar 02, 2022

What is Self-care and Why is it Important? 

You’ve probably heard the term ‘self-care’ being bandied about and wondered what all the fuss what about. Maybe you have a pre-conceived idea about what self-care actually is? 
 
But do you know why it’s so important that we talk about self-care when we are working to transform our old habits and patterns in relation to our nutrition and lifestyle when we are trying to find better hormonal balance?

I’ve talked before about how our brain is fundamentally wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. It’s inbuilt and we can’t change it. So, guess what happens when you feel exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, run-down and completely depleted?  

Yup – your brain sends you on a reward-seeking mission straight towards the old, unhelpful habits and patterns that it knows will give it pleasure, no matter how briefly.

That could mean that you gravitate towards things like food, alcohol or caffeine, mindlessly watching tv or scrolling social media for example, rather than taking the action you want towards your goals.

A more effective way to address the feelings of fatigue or overwhelm is to head them off in a preventative way, through regular self-care.

Here are some common signs that you aren’t currently making self-care a big enough priority – see how many you recognise in yourself:

• You feel exhausted at the end of almost every day and you look forward to food, alcohol, caffeine, tv or social media as a way to feel better
• You wake up in the morning still feeling tired
• You tell yourself that you ‘deserve it’ as a treat when you reach for the junk at night or when you give yourself a pass not to exercise and lay on the sofa all evening instead.
• You feel exhausted, but you still struggle to sleep. You lie there with your mind racing with a thousand thoughts
• You feel disconnected from yourself and something greater
• You get easily pulled off track by other people’s demands on your time

What does self-care really mean though?

Whilst for many women the idea of self-care conjures up the image of having a relaxing massage or getting her hair or nails done, they aren’t really self-care. Sure, they are lovely, and yes, it’s a way of showing yourself some love and attention, but they are events that tend to be few and far between. As pampering they are great, but true self-care needs to fill your bucket daily.

Self-care is really about connection – both with ourselves, listening to what our mind, body and soul is telling us, and connection with something greater, that helps us to feel that we are part of something bigger and worthwhile.

If we lack connection in these areas, we can start to feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, worried, stressed, angry or afraid. And these are all feelings that can trigger off our stress response – increasing (and often keeping raised if the feelings persist) cortisol which has a massive knock-on effect to the rest of our hormones which can seriously exacerbate menopausal symptoms.

So effective self-care tackles this issue – it’s about deliberating choosing and regularly actioning rituals and activities that leave you feeling more connected and less stressed. It recharges our batteries, so to speak.

Why self-care is important

Well, for a start when you feel physically and mentally drained it affects your willpower. We only seem to have a certain amount daily and when we face so many pressures and stresses in the day, we’ve often worn it out come the evening.  

It’s at this time of feeling run down either mentally or physically that we feel most drawn to the safety and familiarity of our old habits and patterns.

Secondly, when we feel disconnected, we can easily be taken off course by external factors like work deadlines, a fight with a friend or partner, a birthday party or other people’s demands on your time – they can quickly derail our good intentions to make positive choices.

It’s like being a tree which only has thin, shallow roots and can be quickly washed away in a storm. The tree which has deep, strong roots help it ground into the earth and cannot be so easily pushed around.

So, making self-care a priority means that we need to spend time practicing and strengthening that deep sense of connection on a daily basis in order that we can grow our resilience and strength to stay on track when external situations threaten to take us off course.

What kind of self-care practices will be most effective for you?

There are so many ways that you can cultivate better connection in your life. And what helps you one day may not be what you need on another – it’s important to listen to your body.

Forget about choosing activities based on ‘shoulds’. There’s no point choosing a yoga class if you don’t like it but just think you ought to do it. But on the other hand – don’t dismiss ideas out of hand.

Think about what kind of things make you feel more like yourself? What brings you joy and makes you feel more alive and recharged? What would you do if you had an abundance of time? What makes you feel connected to something greater – a part of the bigger picture, that feels valuable and meaningful?
Those are the kind of activities you want to do lots of.

Self-care Ideas

These are just some ideas you might want to consider:

• Time in nature
• Meditation
• Mindfulness
• Eating a healthy, nutrient-filled diet
• Getting enough sleep
• Spending time with pets
• Laughing
• Cooking
• Doing things for others/volunteering
• Energy work (e.g., Reiki)
• Yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong
• Spending time with people you love
• Taking up a new hobby or skill (e.g., learning an instrument, painting, writing, sewing, singing etc)
• Reading
• Movement (walking, dancing, group classes etc)

Other important aspects of self-care

1. Boundaries

You only have a limited amount of time, energy and focus. So, it’s just not possible to say ‘yes’ to everything, as much as you might want to in order to make others happy or avoid confrontation.

You need to prioritise the areas that are most important to you. These will change over time but really think about the top 3 priorities in your life right now. Is it about excelling at work? Spending time with the kids? Keeping the romance alive in your relationship? Improving your health/menopause symptoms? 
  
Every decision you need to make can be judged alongside these priorities. If it will bring you success in one of your priority areas it’s a ‘yes’. If it doesn’t then it’s a ‘no.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an act of self-love and self-worth, and crucial to help you to continue to stay mentally and physically well.



2. Our Thoughts

You are the creator of your thoughts! We all have a running commentary in our heads but much of it is the ‘monkey mind’ which voices our fears and feeds into our limiting beliefs which can keep us stuck in the same old patterns of behaviour.

But we can actually choose our thoughts!  

There is a saying ‘what you believe is what you receive’. Essentially it means that whatever you focus on you will get more of. So, if we continue to play the old, negative thoughts on a loop we end up attracting more of that.

Do you recognise yourself in these thoughts?

• Things never work out for me 
• Something always goes wrong for me
• I don’t have enough willpower
• I’m too lazy
• I’m probably never going to be able to feel better
• I’m not the kind of person who does X, Y, Z

We need to catch those negative thoughts and practice reframing them into something more positive. It’s not easy and it takes practice, but it’s another way to help you take better care of yourself so that you can travel the menopause journey with more ease, positivity and enthusiasm.

3. Integrity

Integrity means honesty. It’s a positive trait and when we talk about people with integrity, we know we can trust them.

When we deal with someone who acts continually without integrity however, you stop believing that they will do as they say. Coming from someone we love, it’s especially hurtful.

It’s the same when we aren’t in integrity with ourselves. When you promise yourself over and over that you’ll eat better, move more, get more sleep, or do any of the other self-care actions but then you actually choose actions that aren’t in alignment with those promises you feel pretty bad about it.  

And that can lead again to us looking for rewards that help us numb those feelings and the cycle begins again.

To stop acting out of integrity you have to make your promises to yourself do-able and realistic. So, start really small. So small that it’s impossible for you not to be able to do it. Enjoy the feeling you get when you do what you told yourself you would. It’s by training your brain in this way that helps it remember that it feels good and is worth doing again.

Finding the time

Self-care must be one of your top priorities – it’s that simple. Even if you are busy and feel like you don’t have the time – all the more reason to make it happen so you can re-fill your cup daily and be able to navigate through the menopause journey in a way that helps you feel happy and positive.  

No-one says ‘showering and brushing my teeth sounds like a good idea and I really admire people who can do it but I just don’t have enough time in my schedule’. We make the time because it’s non-negotiable. Self-care is no different - it needs to be non-negotiable too.

 


Jo Fazel is a Nutrition & Lifestyle Health Coach, specialising in helping women going through the menopause transition to handle the hormonal havoc so they can lose the belly, fight the fatigue, manage the mood swings and cultivate calmness and self-confidence to navigate the journey with more ease.

Her signature 12-week program, Feel Good for Life, focuses on helping women to create, action and embed new sustainable habits around nutrition, movement, sleep, relaxation and mindset to support their hormone balance and help them feel more like themselves again for a happier & healthier menopause and beyond! If you’d like to find out more and discover if her program is right for you – book a free breakthrough call with Jo here.

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